Babies

Baby Fixsen 15 weeks

Baby Fixsen 19 weeks.

Well it's true, the B&L Fixsen family are expecting again. We really are thrilled, but have been hesitant to announce or post anything due to previous heartbreak and loss. I wasn't actually planning to post at all, but inevitably people have started to find out and so for my own record I've decided to write a little bit about how we are doing and how things have gone up to this point.

Others may relate to how I'm feeling, having been pregnant also... but this pregnancy really has been very stressful. I long for the days when I was pregnant for the very first time and didn't even think that something as terrible as miscarriage could happen to all, let alone to me. Especially in the first 12 weeks and really up until I started to feel it move everyday I have been worried that something might happen, and have been cautious about how attached I feel etc. Anyone who knows me, understands how crazy I get when we decide to try and get pregnant, but it really must have been the worst this time around. For example I banned Brett from the Hot Tub till I was pregnant. :) I wasn't willing to take any chances.

My doctor has been great and super supportive. We had an ultrasound at 7 weeks just to ease my mind that baby was there, and growing well and heart was beating. Then we had another at 15 weeks (which was when I lost the first baby) because we don't know what caused that one ( babies heart was beating strong the day we miscarried) so I just wanted to be sure that it wasn't a incompetent cervix (Too much information sorry). So far everything really has gone so smoothly this time around, and although we weren't able to tell the sex at our 18ish week ultrasound I am very excited to try the true surprise one time around and then I'll know which way I prefer.

It can actually be a blessing to not know the sex. I feel confident that I would have had a much harder time with my miscarriages if I had known what each baby had been. It almost becomes a real individual when it becomes a boy or a girl, so not knowing allowed me to grieve a loss, but not become all caught up in what could have been with my little boy/girl.

Our due date is the day after WW 3rd birthday and so I'm going to do my best to deliver either before or after the 25th. Just so the two will have individual birthdays. :) I had always planned to have babies 2 years apart, but that just wasn't in the cards for us this time... I am looking on the positive side though that WW will be such an amazing helper, and instead of two babies, I'll have a preschooler and an infant. It may make the transition from one to two a little smoother.

Future updates to follow I'm sure.